Losing a loved one is difficult

Dear Seth

The first time you lost someone close to you was when you were 5years old. Your dad’s grandfather was very much a part of your life and he would treat you with sweeties and put you on his lap. He loved you and he was loved by all due to his loving nature and wonderful heart (your dad takes after him). When he passed after a brief illness at the age of 81 we were all very sad. I remember how you broke down in tears at his funeral, it all becoming a bit too much for you to handle at such a young age. It broke my heart to see you that way and not being able to fix it and make it all better. Loss was and still is something we all have to experience, whether we want to or not.

After Pappa’s passing, you would spontaneously start singing his favourite hymns and start crying while doing so. It warmed my heart that you could express your feelings and show your emotions like that. I hoped at that time that you would always be so free to express what you felt and feel so strongly.

Last year when your Ouma (my mom) passed, you were so extremely brave and sweet. It was a difficult time for me personally and my heart ached for all the “I should have” “I could have” “if only” moments. Once the funeral took place and everyone went on with their lives, we were still adjusting to the new normal of not having Ouma in our lives.

I had found a packet with a few items Ouma had given me before she stopped speaking a week after her funeral and started crying uncontrollably. I had tried to keep my emotions at bay and going thru the motions all while doing what was expected or needed of me until that moment when I lost control of my emotions. The sweetest thing happened at that moment. You came into my room and sat next to me. You said nothing while I was sobbing, you just sat there and rubbed my back. When the sobs subsided you took my hand and just sat next to me. After a little time you got up, got me tissues and water and then left the room.

After a bit you came back into the room and we had this quick conversation;

Seth: Mommy are you ok now?

Me: Yes, thank you love.

Seth: Were you crying about Ouma?

Me: Yes, I think now that everything is done, I realise that everyone’s lives are just continueing as usual, yet we still don’t have Ouma, and it’s sad, and it’s gonna take a while for us all to get use to it.

Seth: You know what I think about death?

Me: No…

Seth: I think when people die, their job here is done. Ouma’s job was to raise you and your sisters to be strong women like she was and to make sure that you guys are all sorted. She did so her job is done.

I remember being in awe of the wisdom of you being only 10 at the time and how much truth, comfort and sincerity those words offered.

Please don’t ever lose your sense of empathy and your wisdom. You are a light in my life, and I am so grateful for you.

Love you always,

MummyEDO_4955

Money Matters

Dear Seth

I was in the kitchen busy with dishes…of course you were helping hahaha. You suddenly made a very funny statement!

Seth: Mommy, when I turn 18 I want my first car.

Me: Nhe, where you gonna work to get all that money?

Seth: That’s where you and pa comes in…

What a funny guy! I mean, how much do you think we earn? After discussing the importance of working for what you have so that you can appreciate it all the more, we came to the conclusion that you would be allocated chores to “earn a salary”. It has been going rather well and your R100 (decided by you) will be deposited into your own account by the end of this month.

This way we both win ๐Ÿ™‚ you do the laundry every Friday! (Yay!!!) and you get money to put away for your car! Only 7 more years to go…

edo_4895

How to choose the right wife

Dear Seth

We talked the other day about your future which led to girlfriend talks. I asked how many girlfriends you thought you would have and you said this;

Seth: ” I think 3″

me: oh ok why three

Seth: Because if two of them don’t get along with you or pa then I will end it with them.

me: So, if a girl don’t like me or your daddy you not going to worry with them anymore.

Seth: Uhm, I will just tell them that it’s not gonna work out and we should start to see other people.

me: hahahahahaha I am gonna remember this and remind you about today and this statement.

You our are just 9 and already so wise.

Love always

Mommy Continue reading

What a great wedding gift

Dear Seth

What an absolute joy and surprise it was finding out that you were in my tummy (ok stomach but no worries). It was three days before your father and I were to get married and for some reason I got a call from the navy that they wanted me to come for an interview.

After all all the tests that makes up part of the interview process I arrived at the medical doctor who explained that I will not be accepted into the program. Partly cos I was too fat ๐Ÿ˜• and a bit blind ๐Ÿ˜Ž but mainly because I was preggars!๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Your dad was waiting in the car when I got out and asked how it went. This is the conversation;

Mom: I didn’t get in (still shocked)

Pa: shame baba, because of your eyes (he was too sweet to first mention my weight. Bless him)

M: that too…

P: what else is wrong?

M: apparently they don’t allow pregnant people to join.

P: ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜. ย Are you serious hahahaha

M: yes….is it ok? I mean we getting married on Saturday.

P: of course it is ,still ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

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What at a great day that was. I started loving you that very moment. It was so exciting as all my sisters already had kids and I would have my own baby to love even more than my nieces and nephews.

You were and still are so mooi (beautiful) man, and now your heart is even more so. Thank you for choosing me Seth, I am forever grateful for the gift that is you.

Love always

Mummy

Saying goodbye

Dear Seth

It has always amazed me how deeply you feel. Yesterday your Grade 4 teacher retired and I told you to not be too sad. I knew that you loved her more than any other of you teachers and this goodbye would be hard. When I got home from work you were sleeping and I knew that something was not right. Poor baby you woke up with traces of tears on your face with eyes still shining from the wetness.

You were so sad at the loss of this wonderful teacher, someone who meant so much to you. I realized that this would be the first of many times I would have to comfort you after a goodbye. After many days with someone ends, even though you feel you that you’re not ready to say it, but it is inevitable.

It broke my heart seeing you so sad, and obviously we were both crying at a point.

Just know kiddo, I will always be there for you. Even if it means feeling the pain and messing up my makeup.

Love from Mummy

Dear Seth

Dear Seth

These entries are for you. I am so scared that I am going to forget all the funny things you say and do. I am constantly amazed by you. What an absolute gem you are and such a blessing to your dad and I and honestly everyone that has been in contact with you. I am honestly not just saying this because you my kid….although let’s be honest could we have expected anything less? Hahahaha

I was sure I would mess this “mom” thing up, like most I was freaked out about loads of things I would or could do wrong even before you were born…okay even before you were conceived, but geeez kid! You make me look good ๐Ÿ˜ thanks for that๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

My hope is that everyone will get to know you and follow our journey of becoming best friends and even though I will pray it doesn’t happen, where I become the lady who you can’t deal with in your teenage years ๐Ÿ˜ช and where you love me again, and yes you will. Hehehehe

To us and our blessed partnership

Mummy